I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
