you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
