He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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