...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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