hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
