Where are you?
In a non slutty way
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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