I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
