Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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