you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
