i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
