It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
