He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
