Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
