I wish I could punch you in the face.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
