It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
