After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
