Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
