He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
