No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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