I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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