She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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