Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
