I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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