and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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