She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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