I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
