She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just want to make out with him forever
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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