Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
