Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
