her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
