It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
