Where are you?
In a non slutty way
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm at about main and main street
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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