sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
false alarm. still invincible.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
