Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
