at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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