Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
