I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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