I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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