She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
