Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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