Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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