Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
