I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
