$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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