My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
