he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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