i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
