hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just found puke in my bra..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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