eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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