What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
